Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
