Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
