Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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