I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
