The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
