pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
