I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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