If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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