He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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