If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
