I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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