NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
