what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
