i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
