Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
