this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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