I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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