She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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