Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
