I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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