then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
