i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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