he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
