So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
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I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
where are my eyebrows?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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