Whod you bang
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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