No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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