There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
