I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
