SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
