is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
