I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
