There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
