I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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