I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
