I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
