worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
