he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
