How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He felt like a one man threesome
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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