the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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