dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize