my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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