During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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