we're chasing vodka with high fives
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
