take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
