Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
