i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
