you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
