u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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