You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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