Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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