i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
