You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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