Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
