the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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