Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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