I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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