sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
